When
it comes to online dating, all men know it's a numbers game. If
you're not sending messages out to 10x the number of women you intend
on meeting, you'll be coming up short on plans next weekend. Sometime
during the countless hours you'll inevitably spend pursuing women
online, the thought will probably enter your head that although
you're meeting a lot of women on a regular basis, you're not meeting
enough quality women online. You've come to weigh the benefits and
shortcomings of pursuing all the women you can possibly fit into your
schedule. Most men if asked would probably say that's a desirable
consequence of dating. But I'm going to play devil's advocate, and
help you improve the quality of women you date.
First
off, I know how it feels to be down on your luck with meeting quality
women online. I know what it's like to message women you don't
particularly find desirable. Well, they become desirable after you've
been denied by what feels like half the planet and you're just
looking for someone to talk to. Or maybe you're interested in the
lower-quality offerings simply because you know you can have them.
It's the online equivalent of beer-goggles. Everyone's gone home from
the bar, but you're by yourself and there's that one woman who knows
she can take you home. You don't really want to give in, but you do.
And
let's extend that analogy a little bit. If that happens often enough,
who do you end up spending most of your time with? Probably the women
you never wanted to be with. If you let yourself head down that road,
you end up spending more money than you wanted to spend on people you
don't want to be spending it on. Not only is your dating-life
consumed, but your phone is ringing and you don't honestly want to
talk to the women that are calling you. This is a self-depreciating
cycle that won't end until you make a conscious effort to improve the
women you're dating. Quantity of women does not equate to quality of
life.
This
is along the lines of "spreading yourself too thin".
Personally, I can't possibly talk to dozens of women at the same time
because I get stories crossed and end up making myself look
disorganized and forgetful. Women are savvy when it comes to noticing
these little quirks, and they know when you've gotten them confused
with someone else. No matter how you try to cover it up, the high
quality women will think they aren't very high on your list of
priorities. Simply speaking, pursuing high quantities of women to
date online dilutes your ability to focus on quality women. As a
result, you will be less desirable to those you are interested in
pursuing.
Fortunately
the solution to this (online, at least) is relatively simple. After
having my phone ringing non-stop with women who I wasn't 100%
committed to talking to, I've taken a step back to analyze my
relationships and think hard about the type of women I would really
like to be with, and possibly marry. Recently, I've implemented a
personal policy to only pursue high quality women that I'm really,
honestly, and genuinely attracted to. This means I take a look at her
photos and say to myself "can I imagine being in a lasting
relationship with this woman?" and "Is she someone I'd be
proud to be with?".
After
recognizing the time commitment and emotional exhaustion of dating
women who I've been less than interested in, I treat every single one
of the high quality women I'm talking to as if they're potentially
"the one". Gone are the days of talking to women on the
phone, and inviting them to coffee because I thought it was better
than to spend my evening alone.
Realize
that nothing can be more detrimental to the success of your future
relationships than the time you invest in people with which you have
no future. Take a step back to really think about who you're about to
send that next message to. I am pretty sure you'll find yourself
spending more time in much more rewarding relationships and living a
much more fulfilling life.
